


Fragmented Love

by sweetcomfort



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Car Accidents, Destiel - Freeform, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Mario Kart, Nothing Supernatural, Panic Attacks, Very OOC, Wrestling, im gonna add more tags as i go, kissy times, maybe smut, no happy ending, not really anything like canon characters, not sure yet - Freeform, rainbow road, what did you expect this is supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 08:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3481256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcomfort/pseuds/sweetcomfort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People always say 'I can't remember, everything just happened so quickly.' Cas now knows that that is just cliche bullshit. Everything happens so slowly. He remembers everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So That's How It Ends?

**Author's Note:**

> The concept of this fic comes from my oneshot 'Tell You I Love You' but the plot is going to deviate from what is laid out in that fic. The outcome remains the same so if you don't want to be spoiled, don't read that fic, unless you already have..I guess.
> 
> Please enjoy.

_That's him._

_The man you love._

_Lying there broken and bloodied._

_Pulse rate falling._

_Dropping._

_Your heart rate increases._

_It's like you're taking his life away._

_You are the one responsible for this._

_If only you weren't so selfish._

_What a petty argument._

_Rising._

_Falling._

_Everything._

_Nothing.  
_

People always say 'I can't remember, everything just happened so quickly.' Cas now knows that that is just cliche bullshit. Everything happens so slowly. He remembers everything. Knows how it was his fault; if only he hadn't stormed off Dean wouldn't have been lying in the middle of the road, the heat of life escaping his body. He wouldn't be gone.  
He remembers the squeal of tires as brakes were suddenly, frantically depressed. Too late. Remembers the thud of Dean's heavy weight as the car plowed into him. Castiel remembers turning around to see the driver get out of his car, dressed in business attire, stiff and shaking at the same time. He remembers crying out and running to the crash sight. He remembers that he shed no tears, not even as Dean reached out and said "I love you." one last time. The gentle caress of his fingertips against Cas' pale cheek. You remember as you watched the life go out of his eyes. His beautiful eyes. The eyes you could stare into for days at a time, lost in the swirling canvas of love and adoration. The colours stilled and became dull. He remembers watching him die. He remembers it all.

That was a year ago and it's still as fresh in Cas' memory as if it were only yesterday. The alcohol doesn't help. The alcohol never helps, yet he clings to it like it's his last hope, the only thing that keeps him grounded. However all it really does is make him vomit, sleep, hungover. He's in an abusive relationship with the bottle and there's no getting out. Cas is an addict. He's addicted to the rough burn of bitter liquor as it glides down his throat the same way he was addicted to Dean's kisses and embrace. However this addiction is less sweet than the flowing nectar of his love. This grotesque addiction that tears his soul apart, drives away his friends. His family never left him but you see it in their eyes as they see the state of his cramped apartment, he sees the resentment but, more importantly, he sees the pity. He doesn't want their pity. Cas wants his love and everything they could provide the other with. Cas wants Dean back. He always had had an addictive personality.


	2. Maybe More Than Just Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an intense game of Mario Cart, Cas finds something out about Dean, in an unexpected way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohoo, managed to get it posted on the same day. Well sort of, its 2.30am so I'm gonna class it as the same day.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Dean and Castiel had been best friends ever since Dean had moved into the house next door along with his brother Sam and their dad six years ago. Before that, the small family had never settled down in one place, something about each town not being quite right. Their two yards separated by a neat fence. Dean's father, John had quickly realised that the two boys were inseparable and installed a fence that allowed easy access to each other's gardens but still granted some privacy.

Castiel had many siblings but most of them were older and were at college or moved away from home. The only sibling that remained was Gabriel, who loved to play pranks on the two best friends. The four friends, Dean, Cas, Sam and Gabriel had spent many hours in each other's yards or houses creating and perfecting games that they could play.

Their favourite game was the one where they had to create their own superheroes and try to save the innocent citizen that had been captured by the bad guy and the only way to defeat them was to utilise all their powers and perform as one.

Now at fifteen, Dean and Cas are as inseperable as ever, they just don't play silly, childish games anymore. Instead they spend their time together lounging around outside, if the weather permits, or at the other's house, watching movies and just generally hanging out.

"She wants me, Cas." Dean was a womaniser. "I can see it in her eyes." They've had this discussion many times. Whenever any remotely attractive female transfers to their school, Dean makes it his mission to get them in his clutches. The only thing is that Dean has a short attention span, so no girl last longer than two weeks. Castiel thinks that might be for the best though because it saves the inevitable heartache that comes from any young romance lasting longer than a month.

"Dean, you're my best friend, and I love you man, but I don't care." Cas grins as he shoves Dean with his shoulder. The two teenagers were sat on Cas' bed having a very uncivilised game of Mario Cart. The shoulder shove was a dickish move on Cas' part and he knew it. Dean's concentration fell as he rebalanced himself only to discover he had driven straight into the ocean and was now well behind in twelfth place.

"Dude! You so did that on purpose." Dean stopped trying to catch up and looked at his friend of six years. Castiel's bright blue eyes shone with concentration as he tried to extend his lead on the course. Dean, however, had different ideas and plucked the wheel from Cas' hands and ran to the corner of the room, driving the character straight over the edge of the course.

Cas laughed and walked over to Dean, the sound filling every empty space in the room. "You're a dick, you know that Deanie?"

"Sure do Cassie, but you wouldn't have me any other way now would ya?" Dean gave Cas his controller back and scrubbed the top of Cas' head, mussing up the already messy locks of dark hair. "It's not like you can talk anyway, you started all this; but I'm gonna end it because one of us can still finish before the other and take the title of ultimate Mario Cart champion."

With that Dean dived back on the bed and started playing again. Shouting at Luigi to stop being a 'slow turd bucket' and to 'hurry the fuck up it's not like you've got a heart attack patient on the back of your bike'. 

"Oh you're so on." Cas returned to play shouting similar sentiments to his character.

"Haha suck on my triple banana loser."

"Oops, sorry, red shell. Bye bye biatch."

The battle for eleventh place came to a close with Cas overtaking Dean, after falling off the course again, with the help of a bullet.

"Woah, dude. How unfair can you get? Eleventh place was rightfully mine and you know it." Dean whined as Luigi came to a stand still mere millimeters from the finish line.

"All's fair in love and war." Came Cas' reply.

"Don't you dare start getting all Shakespeare or some shit on me." Dean warned Cas, knocking him in the ribs with his elbow.

"Is that a threat Winchester?" Cas squared himself to Dean looking him straight in the eyes.

Dean returned the glare and made a show of cracking his neck. "Only if that's how you percieve it, Novak."

Cas knew that he had no chance in a wrestling match against Dean. The dude was champion in his weight for god's sake! But it was good fun and it got his heart pumping. "Bring. It. On."

So Dean did. He pounced on Cas, trying to pin him to the bed, but over the years, being Dean's practice toy, Cas had learnt some moves and was able to flip Dean over and even managed to keep Dean under him for a few seconds before Dean got the upper hand again and was pinned under Dean's body and his gaze and by god if Dean wasn't beautiful.

Cas didn't know how long they stayed in that position: with Dean straddling his abdomen and holding his arms out to the sides, Dean's face inches from his but he felt himself out of breath not just from exertion, but from the look in Dean's steady green eyes. The way his lips parted slightly, the little puffs of air, ghosting over Cas' lips and cheeks. He looked for all the world like he was about to kiss Cas, but that's wrong! They're best friends and more importantly, Dean is one hundred percent straight, as far as Cas knew anyway. But Dean would have told him if he was anything but, right?

Cas looked up to Dean his own expression becoming slack and his gaze unyielding on Dean's. "Dean." The name was merely a breath but it was all it took for Dean to close the short distance between him and Cas. He hesitated slightly before closing the gap fully, giving Cas chance to pull away, say no but instead he tilted his head slightly upwards to press his lips softly to Dean's.

Cas had known for a while that he preferred boys to girls and had shared this knowledge with his family and closest friends. He'd also known he'd harboured feelings more than friendship for Dean, but he thought that these would never be reciprocated. Dean was the most hetero guy he knew. Yet here he was giving Cas his first kiss and damn if it didn't feel good!

After the first few gentle presses of mouths Dean pressed into Cas more, deepening the kiss and nibbling on the soft flesh of Cas' bottom lip, willing his mouth to open. Cas let out a little moan that got captured by Dean's kiss as he timidly opened his mouth.

Cas wanted to move his hands, to scratch through Dean's hair, but found them still trapped by Dean's bigger hands, though Dean had moved them upward so he could press himself closer to Cas.

As the need for oxygen started to outweigh the need of Dean's kiss, Cas pulled back panting, his lips swollen and tinged red. He squirmed under the emerald stare turning his face away as Cas felt his cheeks warm.

"Cas," Dean chuckled. "I, ugh, I've got something to tell you." Before Dean could carry on Cas looked up at him, shutting him up with a look.

"Me too Dean." Cas pressed one kiss to Dean's lips. "Now get off me before you crush me half to death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quite enjoyed writing this chapter. Little story for you, I snapchatted osric and I was meant to say 'hey osric' but instead my phone changed it to ostrich. I called osric chau an ostrich. I'm sure he would be a majestic ostrich.


	3. Rematch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean have a rematch of their game of Mario Cart and fight over who won...again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter up, every time I tried to write it, it just didn't seem right and then I broke my leg and was laid up in hospital for a while waiting for them to operate on it. Anyway, enough about that and enjoy the chapter.

Cas' bedroom was decorated in a simple fashion. The walls were painted grey and bore no posters, only bookshelves which lined the wall opposite his bed. The room was quite large seeing as most of Cas' siblings had moved out and he had moved into Lucifer's old room whilst Gabriel had kept his own. Cas had a large desk under his bookshelves that was home to his TV and laptop and all his school equipment. The room always had a slight mess with some clothes strewn over the floor and the bed unmade, but it was clean and it was what Castiel liked.

"So, rematch?" Cas smiled to Dean as he handed the controller out to him. Dean declined the offer with a shake of his head and a pout. "Oh stop sulking you ass. Just because I won and you lost-"

"I would have won if you hadn't cheated!" Dean muttered his head dropped so he stared into his lap.

"How did I cheat? Do tell me, I'm intrigued." Castiel sat with his chin propped on his hand, his elbow digging into his knee. His attention focused on Dean, a smirk teasing the corners of his lips up. "Pray tell Dean, I'd just love to hear what theories your brain has come up with to conclude that I won through manipulating the game in favour of the outcome where I beat you." From the quick clench of Dean's jaw, Cas knew he had him.

A few moments passed and then Dean looked at him with a small frown and said "You know I hate it when you go all smarty pants on me." With that Cas burst out laughing and Dean just sat and watched him, the frown still gracing his features as he watched Cas' head fall back with mirth. Letting out a few haggard breaths, Cas straightened himself out and wiped at the few tears that were glistening around his eyes. "You know what, screw you. Give the controller, I'm gonna whoop yo ass!" 

"Okay, okay," Cas threw his hands up in surrender and handed Dean the wheel "What course are we playing?"

"Same again, Rainbow Road." Dean replied as he set up the game, his focus on the television."

"Oh come on man, can't we play a different course?" Cas knew it was a hopeless attempt at trying to put the game in his favour just the same as Dean knew he was hopeless at Rainbow Road and only won last time because of the bullet that put him in the lead.

"No, I'm making sure I win...and it has already started." Dean laughed,imagining the look on Cas' face as as he took an early lead, leaving Cas lonely at the start.

"Dean you little shit! I hate you so much." Cas scrambled to pick up his controller and set off along the colourful track. By the time they were halfway through the first lap, Dean was still in first position and Cas had somehow managed to advance to third place without falling off the course. The game stood at those rankings until the last lap where he and Dean were fighting for first place, the other barging at each other and risen out of the slouched positions on the bed. In the last seconds of the race, a blue shell was sent their way and left them both in fourth, Dean, and fifth, Cas, position. "Peach is such a bitch, I was in first before that little whore sent that blue monstrosity my way." Cas raged toward Dean about the unfairness of it all.

Dean sat there looking at Cas with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't know you were capable of saying such filth Cas." He said with mock surprise; in reality he had a wide grin spread across his face.

"Well it's important." Cas said huffily.

"It's Mario Cart." Dean intoned back

"Exactly my point." Cas slumped back on the bed next to Dean and said "Well we both lost so no one gets bragging rights, but if they did, it would be me because I would have won." Castiel straightened his shoulders as if that would make his point more true.

"Oh come on man, I finished before you, so I deserve the bragging rights. Just because you don't want to admit that you lo-" With that Cas kissed him again. It felt weird to be able to finally do this. Kiss Dean. Feel as he resisted to start with, trying to pull away so he could defend his title, which he didn't deserve, but Castiel held him tight by the shoulders and eventually Dean responded to the press of Castiel's mouth against his, letting Cas go at his own pace and take what he needed.

The kiss started as a soft push of lips together, mouths opening to each other and moving in an awkward synchronisation that fit who the two boys were perfectly. Soon enough Cas' hands were tracing over Dean's neck and into the short tugs of hair at the back of Dean's head and moving so he was practically straddling Dean in an effort to be closer to the teenager.

"Dean." Half whispering, half moaning Cas toothed at Dean's lower lip needing more access to Dean's mouth and Dean complied grabbing at Cas' hips for a secure place to put his hands. Just as tongue met tongue did the door slam open and the two boys pulled away from each other quickly, each trying to right themselves and make them look less disheveled. However Cas was still straddling Dean's hips and with the fairer haired boy's hands still gripping at said hips Cas was hopeless but to stay there.

A short boy, slightly older than Dean and Castiel, lent against the door frame a younger, but taller boy slouched behind him with his jaw hanging slightly slack a bright pink blush on his face. The first boy, Castiel's brother Gabriel, was the first to break the tense silence. With a jubilant cry of "About fucking time!" the four friends began to laugh and Dean's grip on Cas was released so he scooched back a bit but didn't clamber off of Dean completely. "Anyway mom told me to come tell you that dinner is ready so..I dunno, brush your hair or something." With a quick shrug and a pat on the taller boy's- Sam- shoulder, Gabriel strutted down the hall and eventually disappeared. With a small, awkward smile in the general direction of where Dean and Cas were, Sam followed in Gabriel's footsteps toward the source of the delicious smell wafting upstairs.

Cas pressed his forehead to Dean's and said with a smile "I guess we should go for dinner." With a lingering peck Cas stood himself up and smoothed himself over in the mirror on the wall. With one last ruffle of his hair, Cas turned back toward Dean to find he had also straightened himself out and was just starting to walk towards the door before he turned back to face Cas with a sheepish grin.

"Come on a date with me this Friday?" It was a statement said like a question in pure Dean Winchester style.

"Yes, yes now let's go get dinner, I'm famished." With a small roll off his eyes Cas ushered Dean out of his bedroom and downstairs where wrap 'em yourself tortillas were already being scarfed down by the boys' respective brothers.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think the chapters are going to vary in length quite a lot depending on where I feel is a good place to stop writing really. I hope you liked the update and I'll try and get another one up within the next week, it's my birthday on Wednesday, getting some tests done at the hospital on Thursday, I get my cast off *fingers crossed* on Friday and my grandma gets back from 6 weeks in South Africa on Saturday but I will find the time to write. Wow okay I'm just gonna stop typing and go to sleep.


End file.
